Is philogyny dead? Unfortunately, from what I've noticed as of late, some gynophobic simpleton somewhere put the final nail in the coffin of female appreciation. I'm not going to lie... my opinion of pervasive misogyny is *slightly* skewed thanks to what seems to be a revolving door of woman-hating significant others that have come and gone in my life. In any case, allow me to dust off my soapbox for a few moments, stand atop it, and forcefully convey some of my recent frustrations.
Before I ascend the pulpit, if you are a like-minded individual who shares the sentiment that women are valuable and worthwhile creatures, though mercurial and enigmatic at times, but comparable to men in mental capacity, strength of character, and ability for self-growth then read no further. No need for me to preach to the choir. However, if you are of the subjectivity that a woman's domain is restricted to two parts of the domicile: kitchen and bedroom... Oh please, read on!
The answer to the question that just popped into your head is 'NO'. I am not some grudge-holding, ax-grinding, 'can't-find-a-date-on-a-Friday-night', owns more cats than she has friends, unattractive, overweight, pimply-faced, flannel and denim clad bulldyke. It can be said that I have lousy taste in men, but most assuredly, I enjoy my femininity to the core. Marilyn Monroe, Jane Russell, Greta Garbo, Jean Harlow, Katharine Hepburn and Jayne Mansfield are just a few of the women I grew up idolizing. These silver screen starlets of yester-year all embodied analogous traits: wit, humor, intelligence, cunning, sensuality, sass, vivaciousness, fearlessness, confidence, fortitude, gumption, aesthetic beauty, resilience, and most importantly, self-awareness.
An observation I've made recently doesn't so much stem from feelings of inequity, but more from a lack of acknowledgement and admiration for the above-listed traits when found in a woman. What was once considered sexy and enticing, now seems to be considered tedious and unfortunate. Perhaps if I kept different company, I would come to a more sunny assertion, but me thinks not. Admirable male qualities seem to remain more of a constant throughout history, whereas the pendulum swings from one extreme to another for what society deems appropriate and alluring about the feminine mystique.
For instance, let's examine female body type. (You knew I was gonna go there anyway.)
A woman's curves used to be celebrated and revered as assets. Today, there's a VERY thin line (no pun intended) for when a 'womanly' physique moves from voluptuous (good connotation) to portly (bad connotation). Here we go...
Ahh the notorious Betty Page. The pin-up girl that launched millions of cold showers across the globe. Her dark tresses, seductive and penetrating stare, and by all means buxom physique brought her both fame and infamy in her heyday. Undeniably, this sassy siren exuded femininity from her head to her toes.
Compare that to today's Playboy centerfold and youngest of Hugh Hefner's girlfriends, Kendra Wilkinson. With more filler in her bra than between her ears, not only is her beauty purely skin deep, but it's artificial to boot. RARELY if ever does God so grace a 22-inch waisted girl by strapping 32D's to her chest. So not only do we have outlandish expectations for thinness, but we choose to retain the glorification of 'a nice rack'... Interesting.
Think about this: It has been reported by many a writer that the Queen of Pulchritude herself, Miss Norma Jean Mortensen (perhaps you'll recognize her stage name, 'Marilyn Monroe') 'ballooned up to a size 12' - (the words of idiot reporters, not my own.) Yet would anyone have the unabashed audacity to call her fat? Certainly not during her day, but what about now? Would she still have men lusting over her? Or would she be overlooked entirely?
Last time I checked, muscle and brawn looks most appealing on a man. Sinuous thew and zero percent body fat isn't healthy for anyone, especially not for those who choose to bear children at some point in their lives. So if (painfully) 'thin is in', and left unaugmented, what really physically differentiates the sexes beside waist-down anatomy?
Let me run with that thought for a second... What about the blurring of gender heterogeneity all together? I once read that within the next 100 to 200 years, there will be no clear definition between sexes in terms of appearance. There seems to be a prevailing masculinization of femininity and a feminizatoin of masculinity in the present western world. The term 'metrosexual' has become an acceptable adjective to define a heterosexual 'pretty boy' male. Take a look at any Calvin Klein ad from the past decade... These chosen models often have an amorphous quality where they comprise both male/female traits, making it tough to decipher exactly what image is trying to be conveyed.
Okay, so back to my intended purpose: Pontificating about the need for an appreciation of femininity and all that it encompasses.
Here's where I might throw you for a loop. I'm not a feminist. *GASP* I don't believe that one sex is superior to the other... AND I certainly do not believe in homogeneity of gender roles. However, I do believe in egalitarianism to the extent that men and women do not have to share the same duties and accomplish the same exact tasks, but each should be given proper reward, gratitude, and compensation for what they accomplish... In this instance, my general view resembles more closely a 'traditional' framework. (For clarity, I'm referring to male/female romantic/familial interactions rather than professional/career-oriented realms... on that front, I remain liberal in my stance.)
Now I'm gonna dig into this topic and get my hands dirty: When did intelligence become a crime? It never has been for men, but when a woman in the top strata of aptitude should make a valid, provactive, but well-informed remark, why do heads turn in confusion? If that woman should be attractive even more fear is instilled into male-onlookers. Here's a personal example from a recent experience I had meeting two gentlemen at a bar (granted not the best ambiance to attract a winner, but still, ride this out with me):
Guy A approaches me, chats me up for a few seconds, clearly is interested in me and proceeds to invite Guy B over to join in the conversation. Guy B apparently sent Guy A over to do the wingman duty of investigating the rudimentary questions... ascertaining my bachelorettedom and then giving the go-ahead to proceed with game running. Both guys at this point are more than apparently interested in getting to know me UNTIL I drop the name of my college alma mater upon their questioning. "Oh, you must be smart..." - the last words I heard Guy A utter before he and his toady scampered off into the night, surely terrified that I had a head on my shoulders, with a mouth that's used for more than providing oral gratification.
I'm not stupid. In all fairness, I know not all men are like this, but I also know that for many, intelligence is more than simply intimidating... It's a turn-off. Is it really that wonderful to be with someone who is so beneath you that all they can do is sycophantically stroke your ego? Because strong-willed, erudite women are seen less of as a challenge and more of as a threat by the men they so desire, what are they to do but dumb themselves down for the sake of attaining the noble goal of emotional intamacy? Again, this isn't in all cases, and I applaud the men out there who abhor stupidity in the partners they seek, but is there anything they can say to their buddies who undervalue a smart woman? If you're reading this, please do!
Okay, so that tackles the first hurdle: IQ... Now onto the next obstacle... This one hits close to home...
When I get called 'a tough broad', I take it as a compliment. I don't back down from confrontation, and if someone is prepared to step into the ring with me, they better lace up their gloves and chomp down on their mouthpiece because nobody's leaving with just some minor bruises. Tenacity and spunk... that's what separates the men from the boys, right? How about the girls from the women? The aforementioned actresses during some point in their careers, portrayed women with attitudes. They weren't afraid to speak their minds, and though at times frustrating to their partners, they were all the more enticing because they offered a challenge. Are we really so lazy in this modern world that even the clashing of ideas/words seems to be too much of an unworthy mental sweat to break?
What I hope is that my view on men and their inappreciation of assertive, confident, and somewhat intimidating females is an anomoly restricted to maturing boys in their early 20s. Perhaps age allows men to appreciate a challenging woman more than youth would permit. If not, then I suppose my hope for humanity is lost.
At the risk of sounding trite, I make a few demands. This is my call to arms: Women of the world who stumble upon this entry, take heed and do not renounce your femininity, nor make it your crutch. Take pride in yourself. Do not forget to be appreciative of the men out there who are accepting and supportive of strong females. Live boldly, don't be afraid to make mistakes, and never sell yourself short to find a significant other. Above all, it is loathsome to be complacent, and even worse to be apathetic. Embrace the laudable traits of our gender and do your best to stray from the vices that perpetuate unbecoming female stereotypes. I'm just as much as sinner as any, and admittedly have abused the gender card at times and hypocritically ridiculed those who have had unegalitarian expectations of me. Yet, as can be learned from my favorite pop-icon, Cher, reinvention can mend former foibles and lead to personal triumph. Change is necessary and unavoidable. I'm up for a challenge... Hopefully, so are you.
Cheers.
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