Letting Off the Happiness...

If ever I were indicted for the crimes of my past, the first among the list of offenses would be arson. I was a bridge-burner extraordinaire! To me, nothing was more stunningly provocative and adrenaline injecting than a well executed conflagration. It didn't take much for me to light a fuse that would lead to the offending party's ruination. Merely cross me in any manner unacceptable to my standards and BOOM... game over. I'd launch a DEFCON 1 verbal assault on whoever ignited my fury, leaving him/her irrevocably maimed. Hell, when it comes to linguistics... especially in the realm of expletives, I can throw down with the most acrimonious of 'em.


I've always been defensive. I'm perpetually leery of being seen as a doormat, so the walls that protect my ego are reinforced with impenetrable steel. If I sound like a hardass, it's because I am.

I still adhere to the belief that the only person you can trust in this world is yourself. However, after watching many former friendships torn asunder by my furious blaze, some for the better... others not, I've realized that I should exercise a bit more levelheaded discretion before firing off a catastrophic round of lingual bullets.

In some cases, I've been hasty with those I've invited into the ring for a bout, but with others, it was necessary. The people who shouldn't be in my life are no longer there... Yet, instead of applying jurisprudence to each offender's case, I lumped all errors made against me and their respective perpetrators into one category of egregious transgressors. With age comes wisdom. At this point in my life, where I'm more introspective and dare I say 'mature', I've thought that this tactic isn't the most sagacious technique.

I still take umbrage to those who vex me, but for the purposes of pragmatism, I'm making a concerted effort to remain more staid in my response. The main reason for this change is that I've realized that anger was governing too much of how I've lived my life. Always seeking vindication is VERY time consuming and unproductive, mostly because it's rarely ever attained.

There are four people on my shitlist...two of which are immovable in their positions. The other two, however, I'm willing to let things go just for the sake of lessening the amount of drama and chaos in my life. The less headaches I suffer because of needless consternation, the longer I'll live.

So this is the new me. Mellow? In due time. We'll see how well my walk follows my talk.

Cheers.