Eureeka!

The only attractive men in this country are from the mid-west. Corn-fed, provincial chivalry is not dead, just hiding... it's just a few hundred miles equidistant from either shoreline. The only group of men who could possibly be more chauvinistic, self-centered, and vapid than East coast boys are those from the West coast. My 6'5 farm-raised, mild-mannered, basketball-playing dreamboat exists, but it will take a plane ticket for me to find him. At least I know where to start looking, which is a giant step in the right direction. :-)