Perspective.

Earlier tonight, I got a message from my best friend from college. She told me that her ex-boyfriend's mother died today as a result of being hit by a car. I'm also friends with her ex, and cannot imagine what a horrifically painful ordeal it must be for him.

How often have I snapped at my own mother or other people I care about because you never think that fortune would rob you of those people so unexpectedly? Even worse, how many people have I said unimaginably hideous things to because I have this unshakable compulsion to empty the contents of my psyche onto someone who has hurt me? You never expect that even your worst enemy could disappear at any moment. To hate someone, there must have first been love felt for him/her. Maybe it's best to do your best to remember why you loved that person and not why you currently hate them. In sum, I'm guilty of taking people for granted.

I've been depressed lately, and I've been selfish and cold to people I care about. This terrible disaster has put things into perspective for me, and I cannot even come close to adequately expressing to those I love how much they mean to me.

I have a short fuse and I ALWAYS sweat the small stuff no matter how many times I tell myself not to give into that impulse. I'm confrontational with people because I feel that being any other way would be cowardice. Perhaps, it is more important to preserve relationships, than to just cut out the people you once cared about. I'm not sure. I'm still too awful a judge of character and too devoted a masochist to be able to tell if it is right to maintain friendships with people even after they've hurt you. Please comment if you have any insight into this. I could use some advice.

Either way, I think I've been too quick to bolt and run away from things when times get rough. I indulge my impulsive anger without weighing the consequences of my actions before I run my mouth. I often make my life harder than it has to be, and once I've made a mess of things, I prefer to leave than to clean it up. This is something I have to change. Life is too short to continue to burn bridges.